When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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