We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
