it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Randomize
