I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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