she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
