i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I love having hate sex.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
