we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
