Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
