is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
