okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
