we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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