There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let's get the cat blown out
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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