He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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