I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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