About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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