We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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