Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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