Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Actions speak louder than pants.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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