So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
