Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
