That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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