Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
