Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
