guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
