lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
