It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
