Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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