If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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