so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
