He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
