He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
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He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
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I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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