Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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