There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
