I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
