just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
