Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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