i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
