your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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