It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
