He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
