I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
