I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
