hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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