hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
