Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
