My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
