I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
