I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
