remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
