I didn't shave. On purpose
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dignity is for republicans.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
