Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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