I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this beer tastes like vomit already
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
