Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
