took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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