I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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