yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
