Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize