I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
