Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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