When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
