dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
