He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
