The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
