i need an iv and a liver transplant
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
