To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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